operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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