Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
