youre lurking in front of me
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
