we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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