nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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