Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
