why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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