i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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