I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
