Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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