I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
