WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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