True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
