Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
