overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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