I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
