Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
