Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
