I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
