I think I am morally bankrupt
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
