i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
