And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
