Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
