I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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