I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
