there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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