He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
