the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
smell my finger.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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