this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
