He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
