The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
