sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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