They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
