12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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