hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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