If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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