We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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