Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
