I am puke
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
