my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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