Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
