i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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