he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Last time i carry you out of a forest
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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