i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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