I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
