Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
