I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
