I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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