she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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