Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
